Five years

This month marks five years for Susan as a brain tumor survivor, a remarkable blessing especially as we were reminded yesterday in an article about glioblastoma that its average life expectancy is just 14 months. We’re so grateful she’s surpassed that by 46. Here are several notes as we celebrate this milestone.

 

Stable tumor

Susan’s recent MRI show her tumor is stable at this time, so she’ll continue her monthly chemo combination of Temodar and Accutane and have her next scan in two months. She’s tolerating the chemo well; and it helps that she can take it orally at home. The most notable side effect with Accutane is dry, sun-sensitive skin and dry eyes, so lotion, shade, and eye drops help.

 

Weariness

In spite of her commendable attitude that I believe has helped her survival, it’s been a long five years for Susan. There are days she’s just tired of it all – tired of her limits, tired of needing help, and tired of the grind of long-term disease. Still, she’s always encouraged with thoughts of Heaven and strengthened in the confidence there is a home waiting for her that’s far better than we can imagine. Most days, she says she’s doing better now than she was yesterday. I so admire her strength.

 

Gratefulness

We are grateful for five years more than I thought we’d have together when death was near after her emergency brain surgery. We’ve had a deeper, more meaningful relationship in the meantime. I’ve been able to love my wife in ways that would have been fulfilling for her before but are more so now. Our kids have been able to have their mom with them. She shares their lives. They help her and love her well.

We are grateful for family and friends, including a group of ladies who have given their time to provide companion care faithfully every weekday for five years, special people who have shown us love and met our needs with material gifts, and countless ones who care by continuing to lift us in prayer.

More recently, we’re grateful for a group of choir and orchestra friends from church who painted our house inside and out. It started with Gladys who noticed our peeling trim and put a bug in someone’s ear, Bob who organized a paintbrush-wielding strike team; and Bob, Pat, John, Mark & Joann who scraped, repaired, spackled, and even brought their own hired help for prep work. There were ladies who showed up early on Saturday and fed everyone. There were some thirty people who worked hard, blessed our socks off, and were done painting by 11:30. It was an extreme home makeover that took our house from eyesore to charmer in stunning fashion, and was a crazy gift. These things really do happen.

We’re grateful our lives have been transformed by brain cancer but not overcome by it. We’ve seen God’s faithfulness in covering us with grace while removing unneeded things from our lives and replacing them with greater things. We still sense his purposes at work in us and hear from others that they’re encouraged by us. Susan and I don’t know how these things work; but we know God does, and we know he’s working it out by the peace he gives us.

 

From Fears to Fear

I’ve been meditating on Psalm 34 lately, in which David praises God, invites others to join him, and proclaims “he delivered me from all fears.” This causes me to think about the number of things we typically fear in this world, the worst of which are illness, tragedy and death. Naturally, we tend to fear things that have destructive power over us. It’s understandable.

Shortly after David proclaims God has delivered him from all fears, he makes another remarkable statement: “The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.” He follows that with an imperative to fear the Lord, “for those who fear him lack nothing.” Then he shares an invitation to come, “I will teach you the fear of the Lord.”

Somehow a divine exchange took place for David that removed all his fears and replaced them with the one, supreme fear of God. The Lord makes quite a bargain, exchanging myriad, destructive, distracting fears for a single, wholesome, peace-giving fear.

I can identify with David, because the hard stuff that’s affected our lives would have ranked as top-drawer fears a number of years ago. Perhaps the great surprise of our situation is that God could lead us through unimaginable events and preserve us, even brightening our lives. And it’s not that the things we feared are gone – many are still with us. We just don’t fear them anymore.

God is showing us that he matters way more than our fears, that he’s way bigger than they are, and that his goodness and peace will preserve us. David says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” We’re thankful for the way God graciously moves us from fears to fear.